Breaking free of anxiety
Chronic anxiety has been part of my life since my teenage years. Over the years, it took different shapes and levels of intensity: health anxiety, catastrophic thinking, phobias... For 10 years, I met with many therapists and tried many protocols, hoping to get better... with little success.
In this post, I’ll share the keys that finally helped me.
Understanding the biology behind anxiety
Anxiety is your subconscious brain, convinced that there is a threat and trying to protect you (even if in reality... nothing is happening). Biologically, this puts your nervous system on high alert: it's the fight/flight/freeze mode.
The "high alert" state creates:
- anxious and negative thoughts (like the "what if...")
- physical sensations in the body (high heart rate, hot flushes, GI issues... but also sometimes less obvious signs like pain, fatigue...)
What you should know about your brain:
- The brain has a natural negativity bias (that can be reinforced by trauma or difficult experiences). Since the brain’s primary role is to keep you alive, it tends to highlight the negative.
- The brain loves forming habits. If you spend a lot of time feeding negative thoughts, your brain will offer you more and more of them, because it thinks you actually enjoy this type of "content"! (just like social media algorithms).
- The vast majority of your thoughts are generated by your subconscious, outside of your awareness. But that doesn't mean you're powerless!
What can I do?
We can't stop the brain creating difficult thoughts or sensations. But we can take advantage of what we actually control: our reaction!
In reality, neither anxious thoughts nor physical sensations of anxiety are dangerous. They are unpleasant and exhausting, but they don't threaten your life. They are literally "false alarms", and you can treat them as such.
STEP 1
Becoming aware of negative thoughts
Practice noticing the moment where you enter an anxiety loop (thoughts and/or physical sensations). At first, you'll "catch" them late, but with practice, it will become a powerful skill! I'll give you more tips on that later in this post.
STEP 2
Choose a new, rational reaction
The default reaction of your brain is to feed the anxiety loop (by thinking, analyzing, anticipating...). Trying to "reason" with anxious thoughts to reassure yourself if often endless. Experiment with a different reaction to interrupt the dwelling:
"No. This though wants me to believe that there's a threat, but it's just a thought, not reality."
"No. This sensation is unpleasant, but it's a false alarm and it's temporary."
STEP 3
Come back into the present moment
Anxiety disconnects us from reality and from the present moment. It takes us either in the past (regrets, self-criticism, "I should have...") or in the future (anticipation, "what if...").
Once you've applied step 2, reconnect to the present moment. Go back to the activity you were doing before being interrupted by anxiety. Show your brain that anxiety will not stop your life.
Should I ignore my anxious thoughts and sensations?
Short answer: No.
Ignoring anxiety symptoms doesn't work, because it doesn’t signal safety to your brain. Distraction can help for a while, but as soon as it stops, anxiety creeps back in (it can be very noticeable at bedtime).
I tried to drown my anxiety in constant activity (work, exercise, screens...). Until I noticed that holidays and rest had become unbearable: every quiet moment was immediately filled with anxiety.
Practice awareness
At the beginning, it took me a long time to notice when I was stuck in an anxiety loop. Often I had already been ruminating for hours. In that state, thoughts and sensations are overwhelming and difficult to calm down. It's like trying to stop a train at full speed.
But the more I practice, the earlier I manage to catch anxiety loops.
- First I learned to notice the "baby" anxious thoughts, the ones that start the anxiety loop.
- Then, I noticed physical sensations that signal a loop is starting (often even before any thought). For me, it's tension in my shoulders or face, a tight chest, a shorter breath. Try to identify your own!
Recognizing these early warning signs allows you to act fast: "Here comes anxiety again! Thanks, but not thanks." Using the train metaphor: it’s much easier to say "we’re not leaving" than to stop it once it's at full speed.
Exercises to deal with an anxiety loop
The easy one: breathing
Inhale for 4 seconds.
Exhale for 6 seconds.
Repeat 5 times.
Reconnect
Take a deep breath in, and exhale slowly.
You may close your eyes if you feel comfortable.
Bring yourself back to the present moment.
Become fully aware of your surroundings and your body.
For one minute, observe and describe the sensations in your body, without judgment
Grounding with your 5 senses
Drop from the mind, into the body. Gently connect to your senses.
Now, try to notice:
- 5 things you can see around you
- 4 things you can hear
- 3 things you can touch
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste
Co-regulation with other living beings
Have you ever noticed that you can feel the tension in a room without anyone speaking? That you can sense when a loved one is sad or stressed? Or that having a purring cat on your lap makes you feel calmer?
The nervous systems of living beings co-regulate with one another. Being in contact with a reassuring person or animal can help ease an anxiety loop. If you need a quieter approach, spending time in nature can also be very effective.
Conclusion
For a long time, I used war vocabulary to talk about my anxiety:
"I'm fighting my anxiety" or
"Anxiety is the battle of my life"
But then I realized that fighting only fuels the danger state, and that the solution was to let go. My anxiety loops are much less frequent. Sometimes I still have worries or sensations in my body… but that’s simply part of being human.
Today I'm able to sit with my discomfort and let it pass. Because it always passes... when you stop feeding it.
If you still feel worried after reading this, here’s a nice fact from a 2019 study:
- 91% of worries reported by anxious people never came true!
- Among the few that did, 85% turned out better than participants had feared.
- And even when things didn’t go better than expected, participants found they coped much better than they thought they would, in 79% of cases.
Don’t lose hope. Healing from anxiety is possible, with perseverance and a lot of self-compassion. 🤗
A great video on top of this post:
Healing anxiety - Chat with Dr Philippe Presles
(English audio track available in Youtube)